Loubna: notes

This is how the story ends

Here’s a funny, well not so funny story. I am someone who always wanted things, and I believe that wanting things is good. Maybe too much, because it led people to think that I was selfish during my whole childhood; that feeling began to disappear with time, but still, I was always considered as the less generous person in my family. I hated that part of myself during my whole life, why was I considered like this because I never felt I was selfish. It led me to question myself, doubt myself and hate myself for that. I thought that maybe I was blind and self-centered for not seeing that.

Today, with a little hindsight, I can say that these people were wrong. Maybe when I was little I was a little bit selfish, I can agree on that, but my behavior changed a lot since then. This year demonstrated the opposite.

My mom had a stroke that almost cost her her life and more during July. She woke me up saying that the left side of her body was paralyzed and that she couldn’t feel anything. I immediately called 112 (the European 911, remember this number please) and explained the situation. Waiting at the hospital the whole day, without knowing anything was the hardest part I ever underwent. Finally, in the night, I got to see her, she could barely move her left finger and foot, but I was relieved because at least she could feel something. I went to see her everyday at the hospital during a month, then she finally got home. This was really hard on her, and really hard for me because I was the member of the family who was the most involved in this situation. I called for help, I fed her the first days when she couldn’t move, I took her for a walk whenever she wanted. I really saw here get control of her body bit by bit, that was an amazing experience. However she is still tired and she must rest. She is at home alone because we all got back to school, and I feel how lonely she is. The difference is, unlike the others, that I always sit with her, watch television with her, take her wherever she wants, ask if she needs something or help.

After this, I can finally feel good about myself. Maybe I was selfish when I was little and refused to share my cake, but today I clearly am the opposite. In fact, I am the most generous person of my family and I am relieved that I realized it, but I am also relieved that they also realized it. Of course what other people say may be relevant and important to improve yourself, but sometimes you shouldn’t listen to them. I did, and they were wrong. It will make you feel bad, and you will hate yourself for it. The problem is that they might be wrong.

Today I lost my favorite aunt, and here’s why.

Today my father is back from an urgent visit he made to his sister, my aunt, in Algeria. She just died from a breast cancer and my family is grieving. What I hate is that this situation could have been avoided. My aunt lives with a very narrow-minded husband in a very narrow-minded city in Algeria. There, women must obey to there husbands and they make the decisions. When she started to feel ill, he refused to take her to the doctor; he waited until it got really bad to finally take her there. She was finally diagnosed with a breast cancer at a really late stage where it spread everywhere. Today she’s not one of us anymore.

The reason why she died, at 35, is because in this part of the world, they are really narrow-minded, talking about breast-cancer is taboo, young girls aren’t taught anything about that, and there are no preventive campaign telling them to go to a cancer screening, and I don’t think they even exist there.

What I want to tell you today is to take everything seriously, she didn’t have the chance that is offered to us. If she lived in France, she could have gone to a screening mammography and she could have been diagnosed earlier. We are given a chance to make our life better and healthier, I would hate it that you miss it for a stupid reason; because you didn’t care, didn’t have the time or because it happens to others but not to me. She also lives in a world that isn’t as modern as ours, feminists have helped women’s conditions a lot but it isn’t enough. I really hope someday that the position of women will evolve there.

She left this world at an early age, 35, leaving behind here children with their father who doesn’t even care.

About Neo-Nazis silent marches

NB: This article is an echo to an old article where I spoke about an essay we had to do. I got it back (7/10) and I’d like to share it with you.

Neo-Nazism is a political movement that wants to bring back Hitler’s Nazism on the political scene. After all the history, all the torture and the jewish genocide, we can question the politics regarding Neo-Nazism. The main question here is whether or not it is legitimate to ban those marches and hate speeches?

The first problem we face is related to the Freedom of speech that allows everyone to speak freely without censorship. It is a fundamental right since it is written in the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen in France, and became an international right since then. Because of this fundamental right, it is said that we should allow them to express themselves. Indeed, they are just putting on the table an opinion; then it is our decision to agree with them or not. If we take this with a philosophical eye, we can ask ourselves if there is an absolute truth that we should all believe in. Nothing is stating that Neo-Nazism is truly wrong; that is why we should let them speak, and then form a personal opinion about it.

However we should consider another factor: the history. We cannot forget that Nazism was a repressive and hate movement that led to rejection, torture, crime whether massive or not. It hurt so many people: the victims of course, but also their families, friends and even random people who couldn’t accept what was going on. It took ages for Germany to finally recover from this dark past; but this part of history still affects a portion of people. Bringing back these thoughts will hurt those people; it can also revive or create some more hate that could lead to bad actions. Of course, we can say that censoring those thoughts doesn’t kill the main idea; it is still present but not expressed. But aren’t we better off them? We can’t destroy the idea; maybe the best solution is to ban the expression of hate and live as if it didn’t exist. This is a lie, but it may be the best solution in order to not hurt the core of everyone’s soul.

This is why there are some restrictions to the freedom of speech: the law about hate speech. It helps to limit hate speech; in France the law is very strict and thus speeches denying Holocaust or racial based speech are prohibited. However it is not the case in every countries; for example, the United States don’t prohibit hate speech as long as it doesn’t lead to crime, violence or riots. What about silent marches? They don’t involve anybody speaking; so, should they be allowed? It is quite controversial because on one hand Neo-Nazis are not expressing out loud their opinions, but on the other hand we cannot deny that this is another way of expression, even if it doesn’t involve words. We could then blame the spectators if violent fights begin because nobody was speaking; Neo-Nazis weren’t doing anything wrong. However these marches are provoking, it is not as if the demonstrators were innocents.

The question of silent marches is controversial: they are not doing anything wrong because they are just people gathered and walking, but they are also doing this in order to be watched, and thus it could be perceived as a form of provocation. There is no best solution about censorship because if we start censoring those movements, then what will be censored next? Where is the limit? However doing nothing about it can lead to violence, whether physical or moral, especially because there is a lot of history involved. Maybe the best solution would be to not censor those movements, but control them. Still, it is hard to find the right compromise between what should be allowed and what shouldn’t.

The Twitter apps war: who’s right?

A few days ago, a new twitter client for iOS has been released, I am of course speaking about Tweetbot. After each Twitter client release, there are some discussions about what’s great about it, what isn’t, why it is the best app or why it is the worst app. Everybody think they have the right answer and think that other people are stubborn if they don’t agree with them.

Well, let me break it to you dear readers; in my opinion there ain’t no right client. The reason is simple. You download a twitter app because you find it useful, well at least more than the web app. Each time a new twitter client is released, it’s most of the time because a developer couldn’t find a twitter client that suited him best. The developer found something that was missing, thought he/she could do better, with a nicer UI, with new/less functions etc. What you need to understand is that each person has their own needs, and that is why there are so much twitter applications. There are not best application, though there are bad apps.

I for example use Weet on my iPhone because I like the UI, it’s really smooth and light, I like the tweet window with the six action buttons underneath. It helps me use twitter easily without hurting my eyes. The reason I don’t especially like Tweetbot is simple: Tapbot have great designers, but I don’t really dig apps that have a distant UI from iOS’ UI (though the user experience feels iOS like). I find it too edgy and complicated. But again, that is my opinion and if you chose that app over other apps, you’re also right.

If the best app really existed, well it would be quite elitist to think so, because every person that wouldn’t use this app would be described as tasteless and brainless.

These twitter apps deliver you a service, but different kind of services; you choose what you want to have in your twitter app and then select the one that suits your needs. Everything here is a matter of taste and needs.

Why have I switched back to Tumblr?

If you read my French blog, which is kind of dead, you probably have noticed that I switched it from Tumblr to Posterous. And yet, this new blog is powered by Tumblr, so why did I leave Tumblr for Posterous in the first place, and why have I come back?

 

Well, the first and only reason I chose to leave tumblr is the downtimes. Indeed, there are a lot of downtimes happening, well at least a while ago when I decided to switch; but what bothered me the most is that they were unexplained. You can’t access your blog, and you don’t know why, it’s kind of frustrating. I saw a lot of people moving to Posterous, so I did the same. The Posterous team cares a lot about their product and they show it, I appreciated that.

 

Despite all the kind comments I heard about Posterous, I was reluctant to blog. I guess I got used to Tumblr and its interface. Tumblr has a more clearer interface, you post more easily, everything’s clear. They also have a lot of theme, and I find it easier to create them than under Posterous. The information bar showing on the top right corner of your Posterous blog is quite intrusive in my opinion, while it isn’t with Tumblr.

 

I experimented Posterous and Tumblr, and I find Tumblr better for my use; that is why I’m back. I’m not saying that Posterous is bad or at least not as good as Tumblr; I am only saying that it is more adapted to the way I blog.